❤ I can't always make up my mind, but I am boldly undecided. ❤

9 July 2011



Cause of ambivalence:
A sad movie (and public displays of Sadness)

Note contents:

"Dear movie,
you made me laugh out loud... but you also made me cry. A lot... in public. ❤"

Place left:
In the movie theater cup holder.


I just hate crying in public, but I am an emotional person, and sometimes it happens. I guess I just wish crying wasn't so closely associated with weakness.
When asked the kinds of themes she would be exploring in her upcoming album, in an interview with CNN, Riot Grrrl pioneer Kathleen Hanna answered: “Anger. A lot of anger about things I haven't been able to express and how anger is usually just hiding sadness so after I write an angry song, I usually write a really sad song.” While Hanna is a hero of mine, and even more so after reading the book Girls to the Front, by Sara Marcus, I don’t express my emotions in the same sequence as she does. Usually my sadness is at the forefront, and the anger comes later, which is perhaps why some of my artistic choices have been questioned on the ground of my voice not coming off as strong. I would like to argue that strength and anger (or a forceful delivery) do not necessarily go hand in hand. To me, anger is a very socially constructed masculine approach to dealing with issues, and my first instinct has always been to put my sadness on display first. Most of the time, I find strength in my meltdowns, therefore I find strength in letting out my sadness. I think it is a misconception that creating work with feminine attributes and notes of sadness implies that it is weak. In an interview on the AIGA website, director Mike Mills, describes grief similarly by stating: “Because grief to me, part of it isn’t just sadness and being down, but this strong insistence to, like, live life, and do what you want, and not just play by the rules.” I find this idea that grief can be a form of rebellion incredibly compelling, because I believe that embracing the things that are often written off as feminine or girlie (which implies that they are lesser than their masculine counterparts) is in itself an act of rebellion. Daring to be an emotional woman (even if that mean you cry in public sometimes) is actually an incredibly brave thing to do, isn't it?

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